Do you suffer from loneliness?
My friend Michael is obsessed with finding his second half. He believed that his desire was completely legitimate and inspired by God, and therefore he often quoted a phrase from the book of Proverbs: “He who found a good wife, found good and received grace from the Lord” (Pr. 18:23).
In fact, Michael’s complete submission to the idea of marriage had very negative consequences. First, it destroyed his relationship with women. The dates did not bring Michael joy, and he almost stopped them. Looking at a woman, he first of all wondered if she was good for his wife or not. It did not even occur to him to look at her as a person who is interested in learning more closely. As a result, he completely lost his way in search of a certain nonexistent ideal - a storehouse of all the virtues and the source of God's blessings.
Secondly, Michael stopped in his personal growth - he did not strive for integrity, which would allow him to make the right choice and become a worthy companion for his future wife. It took only one thing - how to find it. The real problems faded into the background.Michael came to a dead end, but did not realize this. It seemed to him that all his problems were connected with the fact that he had not yet found his only one.
To top it all, Michael's spiritual growth has stalled. Marriage - that was his goal. Everything else - the joy and completeness of communication with God, friends, work, hobbies - faded before the obsessive desire to marry. Life, as if filled with different events, began to seem to Michael empty and useless.
And once there was an incredible story. You will not believe, but it is - is true. Once Michael went to worship in the temple, which had never been before. After the service, an elderly gentleman suddenly approached him, introduced himself and said: “God told me something about you. I want to give you His words. ”
Michael was confused. Not knowing how to deal with such a bold statement, he asked the gentleman for a phone number and said he would call back. Having come home, Michael immediately called a friend who was a parishioner of that temple, and told him what had happened.
- What, you say, is the name of your new acquaintance? Asked a friend.
Michael called the name of an elderly gentleman.
- You can think anything, but I advise you to call.He speaks extremely rarely, but when he speaks, people listen to him. I have heard more than once that his prophecies turned out to be true. We take it seriously. Listen to what he tells you.
Michael was uncomfortable - he had never experienced miracles before. But he trusted a friend. Therefore, he called the elderly gentleman and made an appointment.
“That's what God says to you,” said the seer. "Enough to look for a wife." You will recognize her when you meet her.
Michael was shocked. How does this person know about his passionate quest? And what do the words "you will know your wife when you meet" mean? But the gentleman could say nothing more - the Lord revealed only a little to him. On that they parted.
Michael abandoned his quest, returned to God and began to work on his character. Then he resumed dating, but without the obsessive desire to find a wife. A year has passed, which was marked for Michael by profound changes in his spiritual life and personal growth. You, probably, have already guessed how this story ended? When Michael finally met his betrothed, he was able to recognize her. Now they are together, happy, and Michael’s wife is very different from the women who attracted him before meeting the prophet.
What was the lesson you learned from this story? Did they really think: "Excellent! Nothing to do.God will send me my half ”? I must disappoint you. The story of Michael is a story about work, effort, and growth. He did all the steps I write about in this book. He stopped going on dates, like a hunt, the purpose of which is to return with prey. He turned dates into a fun and rewarding experience. He learned a lot about himself and about other people. He deepened his spiritual life. He has achieved that his life becomes harmonious and there is a place for growth and joy in it. When God pointed to areas requiring change, Michael did not hide, but decidedly took up the case. And he worked on the program.
Do not think that the first time she met, she approached Michael and said: "Here I am, your Eve, created from your ribs." Nothing like this. They met in the church. There were obstacles, and Michael overcame them. He actively sought the attention of the girl. He sowed and cultivated to harvest the crop he dreamed of. So do not think that if God actively intervenes in your life, then you can sit back. Everyone does his own thing.
What is your activity aimed at? If the frantic search for their own destiny, then you are not ready for a serious relationship. Think about the following:
Do you suffer from loneliness? Are you satisfied with life? No? Then do not rush to start a family. Marriage implies that two healthy people living a full life come together and become one. If at least one partner is not a whole person, there will be no unity. It turns out that a flawed person in an attempt to gain integrity clings to another person, most likely, is also flawed. But half, multiplied by half, gives only one quarter, not one! Your problems will only get worse if you do not turn into a whole person - into a unit.
Do you suffer from loneliness? Looking for a relationship to get rid of him? If so, it will not end. To complete the relationship, do not seek to enter into them until you are healed, until you solve the problem of loneliness. Take care that you have a circle of reliable friends who are able to satisfy your need for a relationship. Otherwise, you will strive for dates to get rid of the feeling of some kind of inferiority: dependence will speak in you. As a result, you will not be able to see the partner as he really is.
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