How to support loved ones when they are not easy
Support in writing
If you want to know something, write. Sms, messages in chat rooms, in social networks. Your messages will reach the addressee when he has time for them. Do not insist on the answer. And do not hysterical: "Why do not you answer?" What to write? You can find out in general terms the situation, but it is not worth asking in detail. Admit it, are you curious? But the recipient again have to scroll through everything in my head. And to answer you. And if there are many such messages? So it is not far to depression ... If he wants to, he will tell.
More specifics. If you really want to help, ask what you need and bring-make-pay. And the person will be grateful to you deeply. If there is nothing to bear, offer the necessary coordinates of doctors and other specialists, say that you can agree with this and that.
Do not offer common phrases: "If you need something, please contact." A person may not write, and will not call, because it is difficult and embarrassing for many to ask.Offer to take a walk with the dog, water the flowers, feed the fish, pick up an order from the online store. If a loved one refuses, leave your grievances. Recognize his right to refuse. It is not necessary to conduct unnecessary correspondence in the style of "Why do you not need my support?". Offer only the help you can really give. If you were promised to be taken away in the hospital, but you cannot, find someone who can do this. Or pay for a taxi.
Money. If you want to help finance, do not ask if they are needed. A close one is likely to answer no. Ask: “How to transfer money?”, “To which account to transfer?”
Do not escalate the situation
If you need psychological help, do not wait for it from a person who is in the same situation. No need to constantly lament: “What to do, what to do?” - instead of proposing concrete actions. It's also unreasonable to pour oil on the fire with phrases: "Horror!", "Nightmare!", "Why are you so unlucky?" This is a beating for the sick.
Do not pull children
Many "sympathizers" use children as an additional source of information. Please do not touch them. Children experience stress of no less intensity.And many of them may be in shock. If you see a child on the street, do not rush to him with the words: "Is your mother really in the hospital?" Better say hello, hug, buy something for him. If you belong to a group of trustees in the family, sit with the children, help them do their homework, prepare dinner, tidy up in the apartment.
What if all the tips flew out of my head, and I want to help?
Just stay together. Shut up. Together. Hold your dear person by the hand. If he cries, do not interfere with this, gently pat on the back - it calms. Cook something tasty or go to the store.
If you are far away or you can’t meet a loved one right now, write to him: “I’m with you. Call any time".
As you understand, the topic of assistance in a difficult situation is very extensive. Please write in the comments what else you would like to know, and we will tell you about it.
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