How to ask for help right?
Not everything in life turns out the way you want. Sometimes to get what you want, you just need to ask for help, but sometimes it is so difficult! And how to learn to do it right, without stepping over yourself?
Why is it so hard to ask for help?
Why we sometimes can not ask for help, what's stopping us? The reasons may be as follows:
- Fear of rejection. Yes, many people cannot ask for help only because they are afraid to answer “no” and be disappointed, feel shame and annoyance. But in fact, everything can be completely different.
- Pride. This is not the worst quality, but it hinders much in life. And if we consider that the modern world, unfortunately, is often unfair and cruel, then pride can be a real obstacle to the achievement of goals.
- Fear of being seen as helpless, helpless and worthless by receiving help. Especially often self-confident, strong and self-sufficient people who are accustomed to solve all the problems on their own and get what they want, face such torments.
- Shame. Many are ashamed of themselves that they cannot solve problems on their own.Yes, a request for help may negatively affect the perception of oneself as an individual, but sometimes fate leaves no other choice.
- Fear of being obliged. Many people are used to the fact that assistance is not provided free of charge, that is, having received the desired, you will have to give something. And this is quite logical and explicable, but if the applicant has nothing, he will be afraid of the prospect of remaining due. But, firstly, not everyone helps with mercenary intentions, secondly, in order to thank a kind person, it’s not necessary to have money, because you can do something feasible.
- Established life views and principles. If a person has been raised since childhood as an independent and purposeful person, suggesting to him that he can only rely on himself and achieve everything on his own, then he will live with such notions. And they, of course, will not allow him to ask someone, because in his opinion, this is wrong or humiliating.
How to ask for help?
How to learn to ask for help? It would seem that there is absolutely nothing complicated in this, but in reality everything is completely different, and a simple request turns into doubts and fears.To understand exactly how to ask, you should master and use the following algorithm:
- First you need to realize that you really need help. To understand this, try to solve the problem yourself. If you have failed, then the request will be the only right decision, if, of course, you want to get what you want.
- Then you need to find a suitable potential assistant. You need to start a search among your close people, as they will probably be able to enter your position and understand you, taking care. In addition, a friendly or family relationship will increase the chances of a positive response, because to help a loved one is everyone’s duty. But it is important to think soberly: the assistant must be able to do what is required of him, otherwise he simply cannot do anything. Therefore, if there are no such people among friends and relatives, then you will have to contact, for example, a friend or colleague. And in some cases only the help of a stranger is available, and then there is no choice.
- The next step is to find the right moment and find the right setting. On the one hand, this stage is important, because if you don’t ask for help at the wrong time and inappropriate, you can get a refusal, and an unintended one.So it is worth planning a conversation for free time for a potential assistant. In addition, it should be in a normal state (and even better in high spirits), and the situation should set up positive and good deeds. But, on the other hand, if help is urgently needed, then such a step should be missed, because sometimes delay is unacceptable.
- Next, you need to clearly formulate your request. First draw a situation so that the person understands what is the matter. Then explain to him what is required of him, and then he will understand what he must do and how he can solve the problem (if he can do it).
- Listen to the answer. A person must express his point of view and opinion about the situation. If he is not ready to give an answer right away, and you have time, then let him make a final decision. Your opponent may also give some valuable advice, and you will take advantage of them. You can engage in dialogue and discuss events together, so that the potential assistant understands that his views are interesting and not indifferent to you.
- Whatever the answer, you should thank at least for taking the time and time or trying to do something.
Finally, some helpful tips that will help you learn how to ask for help:
- Remember that you can expect any answer. As they say, one should hope for the best, but expect the worst. And in fact, a positive attitude will not hurt, but, on the contrary, will help you to be more confident when asking for help. But if you feed false hopes, frustration will be even more painful and probably make you think that there is no place to wait for support.
- To be able to ask for help from a stranger, if necessary, learn to communicate and interact with strangers. Sociability is a useful skill that can be useful in a variety of situations.
- Learn to appreciate any help, but do not take it for granted.
- To gain support and increase the chances of a positive response, you can immediately think about how you will thank the assistant. So, you can offer some of their services or help of another kind.
- To learn to ask for something without shame and conscience, it is important to understand that there are no omnipotent people, and help at some point may be required for each of us.
- Do not be afraid of failure.First, not only did you encounter such a nuisance: at least once in your life you were denied to everyone. Secondly, nothing terrible will happen: life goes on.
- To understand that help is not at all shameful, learn to help yourself. You can start with small good deeds, they can also be useful.
- Do not try to understand what others think, your expectations and thoughts may be incorrect.
- Do not try to justify yourself, it will look ridiculous and pitiful, and also put you in a bad light.
- Choose the right tone: it should be calm, soft, but sure.
It remains only to wish to learn how to ask for help and get it!
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